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Long Knives Drawn

by Rainer Maria

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1.
Misrepresented. Initially you looked like you'd been sainted. But now, I am acquainted with your darker looks and dirty mind. Was it uncalculated? You took me by surprise getting all worked up under the table. Is your age a good indication? Cause you won't let on to me what you know or you don't know. You've got a certain detached flair. And I know what you're getting around to. Maybe you're already there. Oh, you're wicked. You look so wicked. From the beginning, I made it clear, what I expected. But now I might regret that. Cause mystery and misery can sometimes be a call to action; can be a source of passion. I can't read your eyes. So say that I'm the one you like.
2.
Long Knives 03:08
Baby, did our sky fall down? And no one wants to rebuild it now. We once drew a crowd with my evil eye and your crazy mouth. Let's get over each other. Baby, did our time run out? And no one wants to refill it now. I liked it best how we took the whole world on, back to back, long knives drawn. Let's get over each other so that we can fall in love again. Just hold me. Make believe that you don't loathe me. Am I mistaken? When I woke up this morning without you there I was shaken to the very foundation. Once there was something and now there's just a piece of atmosphere.
3.
Have faith in the blue lady. Strange how the ears ring after a night of wrongdoing. Strange how the arms sting when you're left holding nothing. You need contact daily. Your conscience is failing. And you already love her.
4.
Save me some time. Or just pick me up on A and 9th. The streets are slow. Can we go for a ride? You want me completely, and I'm ready. And it's fine. So I began the double life. Or just take me out on A and 9th. I always wanted to wake up on the Lower East Side. I wasn't paying attention and you quietly reeled me in again. After all the games it's business as usual again. It's just business as usual. I looked out into the eager night. I can't tell anymore what's your and what's mine.
5.
Started out good. Started out bad. I still wanted a taste of what I already had. The fruit is perfect when it falls from the tree. And spoiled by the time it gets to me. It's the dilemma of girls and boys for centuries. Should I be with you? Should I forget about me? First it fells right then you stay up all night worrying. It's the awful truth of loving. Could have been noble, but it started out bad. The peach is perfect when it falls from the tree. And bruised by the time it gets to me. Do I really know you? Do you really need me. First it feels right then you write a novel worrying about the awful truth of loving. And by the time you bid your time a year goes by and you don't act any older. I wanted to be sweet so you won't disappoint me. I want it to be sweet so you won't disappoint me. And when the stakes are high I'm careless with the dice. And now it seems like I'm pushing my luck all the time. All the new thinking is about individuality.
6.
If we can't begin unless it's with an argument we're losing out on love for the sake of it. I was thinking we could go and live in a monastery. Throw away the imperatives; make our pockets empty. I'm feeling bankrupt. I'm losing speed. I don't want to hold on to anything. When I misbehaved to get what I wanted was that wrong when what I wanted was love and affection. So let's get out.
7.
Floors 04:13
It was an accident. So it was meant to be. When you crossed the floor and you laid it all down. The lights were out and it was deafening. When you crossed the floor and you held your hands out. I can hear it in your voice. I can read it on your face. And I want to believe in it. It's the life and I want to hold on. So I pull you closer and forget where I came from. It's alright now that we're so gone. It'll soon be over. You'll go back where you came from. And there's nothing that anybody's saying that's gonna change this night; and I know it.
8.
CT Catholic 03:51
Maybe now we can lay our weariness down. It was the hottest summer ever. The traffic was a monster. It was keeping me from smiling and I wished that it would end. You were sitting right beside me going nowhere on the BQE. But the traffic and the weather didn't get you down. It was the hottest day on record when we got into the big park. I was thinking of an ending and we were barely even friends. You were sitting right beside me with your hand on my hand and we were making the kind of plans that don't mean anything. Not tonight, not ever again, will I take you for granted.
9.
On the right bank of the East River; sitting on torn concrete; shaking hands and empty fingers; and I know this won't mean anything. If indeed this was like a first marriage, then you and I together can be like divorcees. I don't need to talk about it. And I don't want to know anything yet. So you can take what's on the table. When you go, you go for everything.

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released January 21, 2003

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Rainer Maria Brooklyn, New York

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